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10 Things Women Desperately Want Men To Understand and Do in Bed


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No matter how into each other you are, relationships will see sxx peaks and valleys. It’s easy to fall into a rut or resort to ‘solo time’ during one of those droughts. But let’s kick-start that steam. What’s the best way? It’s simple, try harder. Keep things fun for both of you — in and out of the bedroom — and your relationship may just reach new heights.Image result for happy black couple in bed

1. Pay attention to her non-verbal signs
Sadly, lots of men don’t know how to tune into their female partners. “I hear stories over and over again about how men are just not responding to the signals that women send.

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Learn to be a responsive, tuned-in partner and you will gain serious appreciation,” says Pella Weisman, a dating coach and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Along with verbal expression, pay attention to their bodily cues (heavier breathing, increased lubrication) and do more of that.

If you’re not sure how to interpret a signal, be direct and just ask. “[Try] ‘Does that feel good?’ or ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘Does that hurt?’ Your partner may have been too shy to tell you, and will appreciate that you asked,” says Weisman. Likewise, if you’re not sure if your partner is ready for a certain act or move — ask. To quote the popular campaign, “consent is sxxy.”

2. Foreplay… and Afterplay
While some men may think sxx is mostly about going in, a woman needs fore play and after play. “If a guy turns over and dozes off, a woman will often feel abandoned,” says Dr. Gilda Carle, relationship expert and author of 8 Tips to Understand the Opposite Sxx.

Also worth noting: “A woman wants the fore play to begin way before the physical intimacy, with flirting, texts with sxxual innuendos, and more to warm her up.” Sxx for a woman is not just sxx; it’s a physical and emotional reflection of feeling desired.

3. Explore commonly ignored hot spots
A woman wants a man to explore her inside and out with his fingers, and make it an adventure for the two of them. “‘Let’s see if I can find your spot,’ for example, could be a mutual exploration for the couple,” says Dr. Gilda. Be sure also to fondle with and ksss oft-ignored erogenous zones like her inner thigh, ear, and even her lower back.

4. Dirty talks
Women want to feel wanted. “They want to know they are turning you on, and how. They want to feel hot, desired, appreciated, honored,” says Weisman. Individual preferences vary, but try out different varieties to see what elicits the best response from your partner.

5. Stimulation
Yes, guys, women want more of it. Some women like it with a finger (or three) in her at the same time. Try different amounts of pressure, rhythms, and duration of time to see what she likes best (for many women, direct contact can be too intense, although they may like rhythmic pressure on the shaft — the part of a woman privates that swells when she’s turned on).

6. Worship her
A woman wants to be stroked and caressed, not grabbed. “One of my clients complains her husband always grabs for her chest, and she feels like a piece of meat,” says Dr. Gilda. “A woman wants to see adoration for her in her man’s eyes.” If a woman feels like your only goal in bed is to make her come, she may feel like your romp has more to do with your ego than anything else.

7. But make sure she comes first, and again
Women have the ability to come multiple times. And that means that your job as her partner is to make sure that women have more of those. “Many people don’t realize that 70% of women need stimulation to reach satisfaction [see above],” Stacy Rybchin, founder and CEO of My Secret Luxury, a luxury sxx toy boutique.

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So, yes, you’d be correct in thinking that you can’t just rely on penetration alone to get her off. Rather, consider introducing accessories and toys into bed to help you get into that right position or angle, and find what you both like best.

8. Make her feel pretty
It’s more than just when you are out of clothes. Try for no reason at all, saying, “You’re beautiful!” “Unless you’re talking to Angelina Jolie, we all have one phrase in common that we can never hear enough, and that’s, ‘you’re so beautiful!’ ” says sxx and relationship expert Wendy Newman, author of 121 First Dates.

9. Be spontaneous
Women like surprises, especially the sxxy kind. “Surprising your girlfriend or wife with something that shows you care about her while also showing how sxxy you think she is can win you major points,” says Amy Grey, a lingerie specialist. Some ideas beyond lingerie: knee high socks, a silk robe, or a racy nightgown.

When a woman knows you bought something for her while thinking of how hot she’d look in it, it also may inspire her to be a little more adventurous next time she finds herself shopping for naughty underthings. Or, try gifting her a shared activity like a couples massage or passes to hot yoga to check out together.

10. Pay attention outside of sxx too
A woman wants to know a guy is going out of his way for her. “It could be a little trinket he picked up because she was on his mind, or a bouquet of flowers he took the time to get. When a guy proves he cares, a woman’s body will be putty in his hands,” says Dr. Gilda. Showing that you’re a caring listener is also key.

“A woman wants to know a man is truly listening to what she’s saying. Listening proves a woman is important enough to a guy for him to want to know what’s on her mind.”

Share your opinion with us in the comment section.

This post was first published in DailyAdvent

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